The B&S RAILROAD JOB, PART II - The Drug Thingymabob

http://blog.al.com/stantis/2007/06/al_railroad_crossing_gun_it.html

OK America...I'm afraid I have to lie to you again.  See, I swore to you, not all that long ago, that, aside from our court war for adjudication on September 12, the Year of our Lord, 2014, that I wouldn't post another thing that concerned my personal life in this blog.  Well, I'm afraid that something so ridiculous has happened today, that I'm just going to have to break that promise.  Let it be also known that the horrific nature of this out and out falsehood is so gigantic and so much an attempt to shut me up, that you will not be sorry when I break that promise, I swear it.

A week ago, I was court-ordered finally (and, as this would be the only way that I would do what DHS asked me to do) to do a hair follicle drug test.  My wife, who gave of her hair immediately after they took the baby, was told that the drug testing center took too much fake hair along with her real hair and too much of it was in the test envelope to come back with good results, so hers would have to be done again. Around the time we were told about that, it was around the time that, we were both court-ordered to do a test that would yield results, either negative or positive, and for what, if positive.  What happened next will amaze and nauseate even the most staunch supporter of DHS and their absolute necessity, when it comes to the safety of our children.  Please, if you will, read on.

First of all, if this place we went to is someone that the state trusts to do this hair follicle drug test on a regular basis (and I know that it's a regular basis, because one of the two friends I referred to that had also been done in by DHS had me give her rides to this place...so I knew full well where it was located) then tell me how it is, on a black woman with fake hair woven into braids (which were OBVIOUSLY differently colored), whose real hair is 10 times longer than mine, and whose braids have been growing out for almost two months, messes up getting enough real hair to do an accurate test?  We'll get back to that.

So now I've been ordered.  OK, I'll play the game, see where we end up.  So, since this is my first hair follicle test EVER, I walk into this place, named something something family services (family services my ass), on Merle Hay Road, fully expecting to see a fully functional drug testing facility of the higher order.  I mean, it should be...these people are to be responsible for the fate of families in Des Moines and all over Iowa, right?  Now I've done urine drug testing so many times, it hurts to talk about it.  Many a job has required that I visit these places, and, of course, have come back with more than shining results, 100% of the time.  In other words, when you're sent to these places, and you know where you're going and for what, you see what you expect.  A pseudo-sterile place with gloves and urine cups, and signs over the toilet that tell you not to flush when you pee.

Imagine my surprise, then, to walk into the "office"....well, let's just say I've seen apartments in the hood that looked more sterile than this place.  The SHAG CARPET in this place looked as though it had not been vacuumed in months, and a lone desk graced the "reception area""...A huge front room that boasted a beat up reception style desk with a man sitting at it.  There was no multi-line phone, no receptionist, no file cabinets, no nothing.  Not even a magazine pile, or a chair to sit in even if there were magazines to read.  Just this desk and the guy sitting at it.  There were maybe 3 or 4 forms, un-filled out sitting on the desk, along with a pair of purple grade school-style scissors sitting next to them, along with a pen and a pad of paper.  He was the only person in the place; and after greeting me at the door, he then asked that I come into another office, just off to the side.  It soon became apparent to me that this was a little on the weird and irregular side.  I quickly thought to myself..."This is the place they do drug tests?"...My wife agreed with that when I brought it up to her as being her first thought as well.

He gave me one look (as the receptionist) and said..."I'm gonna have to butcher you to get enough hair for this".  I appreciated his professional nature a whole lot more after this statement.

Then, he picked up the school scissors and bade me follow him into his now mock office/laboratory, where he proceeded to massacre the back of my head for hair.  He snipped off quite a bit, told me it was noticeable, then placed the waiting hair into an envelope.  It would be nearly 7 long days before I discovered what our obvious results would be.  Clean, green and a testament to our drug-free environment.

What happened next about sent me to the hospital emergency room.  Her "bff", Nikki, sent to us by DHS to be the mother's new best friend (someone who had been brain-washed and railroaded by DHS as well at some point in her life, someone I immediately informed my wife she should not ever trust with even one detail of our personal life), informed us that the results had come back....and were not good.  My wife called me with the good news.

We both showed positive for meth use.  Oh, and Amphetamines too.  Evidently they weren't getting far enough with calling it a single drug, they had to split it up to make it two, obviously because they were having trouble making just one stick...who knows.  Crazier still, they show her as coming up 2x as dirty as I do.  I tested barely dirty.  They show dirty after 500 somethings, I came up at 558.  She came up at 850.

Now, I told you America...I told you that it was somewhere around just a little possible that I MIGHT show positive for SOMETHING....the chances should have been around the 10% mark.  But LIZ????  Meth?? The girl practically died (for real) when she took a hit of pot once some 5 years ago.  She had to go to the hospital.  Before that?  She'd never even tried it, not even once in her entire life.  Me?  You're lucky to find 2 aspirin in my hands.  ELIZABETH = METH?  Totally, absolutely, without question...a major falsification, and outright bold-faced fairy tale.  I had to teach her how to drink a mixed drink for chrissakes!!!!

I"m afraid that this is truly on now America.  Call ME what you wanna, I can take it.  Call my wife a drug user, and I'm afraid you got nothing but pain coming your way for the rest of your days.  DHS?  IT'S ON MF!!  You and me?  We're going places.  Right up the hill...to the supreme court and beyond.  I will not rest until this absolute travesty is exposed, and I get to pick your office's dead carcass off the road.  Emily?  Your job is most certainly and absolutely still in dire risk.  Might as well make your retirement plans now, you will be fired, re-located....SOMETHING.  I will write congressmen until I get my way; they'll know me by name and cringe at every letter and email they receive concerning that name.  I promise that they'll be happy about term limits...and if there aren't any, well, then they'll wish they'd chosen another profession.  I will not sleep until everyone who had anything to do with this case is at home forever watching movies and ice cream and remembering how good they had it, once.

Please, everyone.  Remember and know this, that this will be the last and final DHS snow job to ever be he seen in this country, after I win.  No more will that name strike fear in the hearts of families across the nation.  I will be your personal advocate.  I will be the first to stand in the face of this oppressive branch of our Government, and they shall know my name.  Or I'll die a-tryin'.  Works for me.  I DARE you to make a martyr of me.  Bring it baby!!  I'll be fully armed, soon enough.  The days of tyranny are now OVER!!

You wanna try again?  Let ME choose our drug tester, and you get urine and urine ONLY, as stated in our Iowa State code, that you are ONLY to get this.  I don't trust you as far as I can throw you.  Hell, I'll gladly drop (at your expense, not mine) 30x a day.  Hell, I got nothing to do in my life but jump through your hoops anyway.  You already lied on the stand about coercing my wife to sign your already filled out paper, you will NOT get me to roll over on command, no matter how hard you push.  I'm unemployed baby, I got NOTHING BUT TIME TO FIGHT YOU!!

FOR ALL MY LOCAL READERS:

THE DHS BARBECUE, PART II, WILL TAKE PLACE IN THE POLK COUNTY COURTHOUSE AT 8:30 A.M., SEPTEMBER 12, 2014; AND WILL LAST THE ENTIRE DAY...MAYBE AS WELL AS THE DAY  FOLLOWING.  COME ONE AND COME ALL, HEADS WILL SURELY ROLL, AND JOBS WILL BE HAD.  COME WATCH THE GIANT FALL, AND NORMALCY WILL PREVAIL.  MORE DETAILS WILL ASSUREDLY FOLLOW.

:D

P.S. - yeah, Jacque...you laugh now.  Wait, for your turn comes later.