How To Beat the DHS Railroad Job Part II - The Interview

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Well!!  So here we are again, with part II of how to get through your nightmare with DHS.

Now, you realize of course, that once you’ve let them in, well....you’re pretty much committed to spending the next six months, minimum, with them scrutinizing you...your every word, your every move, as well as a host of things you weren’t expecting as well.  There’ll be a point where I just won’t be able to go on, because I’ll be all caught up with MY experience with them, and won’t be able to continue until I go further in my little fiasco.  But it’s OK, because really, this section will included some very important things that you’ll wanna know.

So anyway, you screwed up.  You didn’t register a word I said in part I, and you let the sonsabitches in anyway.  Now, we’re gonna go over everything you have coming to you, slice by slice.

1.  Before these people even take a breath, do yourself a big favor.  Pull out your phone, and either turn on your video recorder and point it directly at them, and say you’re filming them, or punch your voice recorder (this takes up a whole lot less memory, and you can run it for hours without fear) and tell them you’re recording everything.  If they say that’s not allowed, tell them to show you a law that says you’re not allowed to do so.  That’ll shut ‘em up.

2.  There will be an interview.  Now, keep in mind, that your removal worker...chances are, this is her new job title now; she may have been an interviewer while she was outside the door, but now that she’s inside, her new job now is to gather enough pieces to twist into real reasons for removing your child or children.  They don’t even have to be the original reasons why she was called, and that’s the beauty of it.  Believe it when I tell you that every...little....thing, no matter how insignificant to the reasonable person, is now 20x bigger, more serious, and more incriminating.  Also trust when I say that every little commonality, every word you speak, every sentence you write, utter, whisper, whatever, is being documented word for word.  If later, they don’t feel that the words you used, or the situation makes it reason enough, it’s OK, because they’ll make it fit in order to get done what they want.

Here’s a good example.  When I returned home, and knocked on the door to my apartment (I didn’t have the key handy, and my hands were full - remember, that I didn’t know DHS had arrived as yet), my wife got out of her chair and said “Oh my lord....he’s going to kill me”, then answered the door to find me standing there.  To these workers, now, this means that there’s now the possibility of spousal abuse, which more than likely, may someday include baby abuse as well.  Never mind the fact that, maybe it wasn’t me she was thinking might be at the door...it could have been ANYBODY at that door at that particular time, as well as someone else she might have been expecting to be there.  Let’s also not mention the fact that people say that phrase on a daily basis, with absolutely NO intent on killing the other person, and also without thinking the other person is wanting to actually kill them.  I’m sure her thoughts went something like this:  “It’s gotta be domestic abuse; and by God, I’ll twist some other facts to make that stick, or my name isn’t EMILY NIEMAN.”

My advice to you, so that, quite possibly, you might make it out without losing your kids will be this:  Say as little as you can, or nothing.  Nothing is best; no one can twist anything if nothing is said.  Believe me when I say that, if I had but known that honesty WASN’T the best policy here, I would have immediately zipped my lips...and my wife’s too.  Of course, there are other things that you won’t be able to help.

3.  For God’s sake, if you have kids, and you expect that one of your friends, who has no life, is mad at you for any reason and might call the bad guys; CLEAN YOUR HOUSE AND FAST.  I was in the middle of packing on one side of the home and in the middle of unpacking on the other...someone had jumped in and saved my place for me at the last second (Primary Health Care, just in case you wanna use that in court, assholes), and told me I didn’t have to move out after all, so I was in the middle of both.  However, because of the disarray of the place; due to half packed and half un-packed things; my house is just “Dirty” in the report.  Nice, how they make that stuff work in their favor, right?

4.  Here’s another thing I’ll suggest:  Don’t move.  Don’t answer the phone, don’t get up to answer the door...don’t do ANYTHING...don’t even go to the bathroom.  If you have someone there, have them do everything for you.  No, not go to the bathroom, HOLD THAT, silly.  And, if you have any sense at all, for God’s sake, DON’T GO OUTSIDE...one thing about DHS I’ve noticed is, if you go more than ten feet away from your child, you’re abandoning the baby, walking away from the baby, leaving it unattended...whatever they’ll wanna call it.  I don’t care if they asked you to make the baby something to eat; don’t you dare move.

5.   Here’s another piece of advice, if it’s a newborn, and they ask if they can hold it, don’t you DARE GIVE HER/HIM TO THEM.  Once they have the baby, there are tons of things that can be said....you didn’t care about the baby, you thought it was more important to attend to other things, or maybe the diaper will be full or wet, then all of a sudden you’re neglecting to care for the baby...or they might just up and walk out with him or her, upon deciding that they have enough to use against you....you just never know.  And don’t walk away with your 1 week old child lying in the middle of a queen-sized bed, the baby could roll over and off the bed.  It’s truly unbelievable what they will say

“Now you’re just bein’ plain old ridiculous”...no I’m not America.  That one hour interview was documented action by action, word by word...they even interpreted the looks on our faces...on 4 whole pages.  How many steps you take, how far you are away from the child at every given time, how you change the diaper...EVERYTHING.  And if you’re a first time mother?  Every hesitation, every wrong move will be set in stone and misinterpreted to mean you’re a lousy mother.

Most importantly, in the interview, do not agree to do anything for these people.  If drugs are involved in the allegations, and you don’t do them, do not agree to do any kind of drug test.  They can’t make you do anything, it’s important to remember this.  Besides, I did a drug test...and it came up dirty.  And my wife, who had just a week earlier done a drug screen on both her and the baby and had come up clean?  Came out twice as dirty as me.  She smoked a hit of pot 5 years ago...and came up dirty for meth.  ‘Magine that.  It’s a set up, something else to give them reason to hold on to the baby.

Last but not least, if they leave you, saying everything’s cool, it could be a trick to put you off your guard.  If they come back now?  DON’T LET THEM IN UNLESS THEY HAVE A COURT ORDER TO DO SO.  You got lucky and got to start over again.  We weren’t so lucky.  We fell for it twice.  If I had been there either time, there wouldn’t have been a first time, let alone a 2nd.  I was gone for both...and now I’m 6’ deep in the mud and can’t escape.  Hopefully, this will help you in your fight, so you won’t have them in your lives for more than an hour...or more than a minute, depending on how sharp you are.  :D