Animal Cruelty/Abuse

The Earth is fine...it's going to shake us off like a bad case of fleas...a surface nuisance. 

- George Carlin

I must be outta my mind, kids.  I want you to know that I could write for days, weeks and months on this subject, and I have good reason for doing so.  Because this subject connects to and conjunctions with and branches off to so many other things in life.  Not our life.  Life, defined, all by itself.  The biggest and most offended of these things, is Mother Nature.  The natural order.  The "Way of things".

What am I talking about?  Where am I going?  You know damn well where I'm going.  Think about it.

Now, for those of you that just insist on niavete, who thrive on ignorance, who love and embrace stubborness?  I suppose it could be said that I owe my life to the lot of you.  If it weren't for people like you, I wouldn't have an opinion.  My blogging days would end, and fast.  We'd be doing well, and the word "issue" wouldn't exist as a word in Merriam-Webster.  And we wouldn't be going to Hell in a handbasket.  Noting this particular sin, I'd say we booked our flights well in advance.

So the subject of the day, and all it entails, goes like this.

Imagine this.  You're sitting in your living room, playing Coin Dozer on your new Samsung Galaxy Tab, and all is just grand.  Simply Ducky.  Life couldn't possibly get any better than this.  All of a sudden, you turn to grab your Dr. Pepper, and you notice, in the background, that a popular song comes cooing over the airwaves...from the 90's...yeah, I know that one...hey, I LOVED this song...Sarah McLachlan...Angel, that's it.  Wow...I could just let that woman hum her song in my ear for the rest of my natural born days...and then you look up, and you can't grab for the remote fast enough...Now you just want to get that song as far away from you as you possibly can...but it's too late now.  It's on your mind.  Because, as you looked up to pay more attention to that song of the heavenly bound, you are instantaneously aware of scene after scene of abused, malnutritioned, badly beaten and mangy dogs, cats, horses...you name it, most abandoned by or freshly rescued from the worst possible homes or owners to ever desire to own an animal.  Some are victims of collection, others just want guard dogs, some just don't care or don't have a clue how to take care of themselves, let alone one (to as many as hundreds, believe it or not) of God's creatures.  And now Sarah MacLachlin's beautiful melody is now warped onto your hippo-campus as the song of the abused animal.  Gee thanks for that.  I never want to hear this song ever again now.

America, I can’t stress enough that, if you can’t take care of yourselves, do NOT get a puppy.  Do NOT adopt a kitten.  You’re setting yourself up for failure, and you’re dumber than you first appear.  If you find yourself on food stamps, or running every month to the food bank, then you shouldn’t probably have a dog.  Dogs are every bit as expensive as kids anymore.  If you make less than $10,000 a year DO NOT GET ANIMALS THAT WILL BE LIVING IN YOUR HOME WITH YOU.  Given a choice, poor people will starve their pets long before they let themselves starve.  Next thing you know, the police, along with Animal Control and the ASPCA will be swooping into your home to figure out why it is you can play a tune on each of your three dogs’ ribs.  If you have trouble feeding yourselves, you can’t afford to feed an animal either. Good rule of thumb.  Another one might be that, if you can’t afford to license or spay or neuter your pet, you shouldn’t have one either.

If you hate animals, either cats or dogs, but your little girl has been bugging you to death to get one, and you get one for her anyway, or don't get her one and don't tell her why, or make up some other kind of lie to tell her instead, I'm comin' after you, and it ain't gonna be pretty...because if you do get one, the likelihood that you might choke your new puppy to death for peeing on your new indoor palm tree, or kick your kitten into the next room because it wanted to show you how it killed that mouse you’ve had running through your walls of late is pretty high.  Also in this category of morons are those of you that have no clue or have no time to teach your kids how to love and take care of their new pets, any more than you, a parent have time to teach yourselves how to program a computer.  Give your animal to a more caring and happy home.  You’ll be happier, and your pet will survive the first few months of its life as well.

And, I suppose, it might be wise to teach you some common sense, 'cause lord knows you have none to little to offer.  If you have a cupboard for an apartment, don't get a great dane puppy.  If you have an apartment with no yard within walking distance, you won't want a greyhound.  If the nearest dog park is 20 miles away and you have no car, it goes without saying that you should opt against a dog.  And, if you have so much stuff, people consider you a hoarder?  If you can hear your cat meowing, but you have no clue where he is, it's likely he's lost or stuck, and, some months down the road, when you're looking for your shoes, you'll find it, dead as a doornail because it hasn't had food or water for a minimum of 2 weeks.

The final entry under common sense is this:  If it's in the zoo?  They have it there for a reason.  Which means, you shouldn't get a baby tiger cub as a guard-animal for your apartment.  It's more than likely a good idea NOT to get a boa constricter for your 5 yr. old son.  Then of course, there's the black widow spider you gave to your goth-ridden 15 yr. old girl, so that she could be cool for school.

And the dog.  Man's best friend.  Forced into slavery (hey, we had to do something, right? Abe Lincoln freed all our slaves man!!) as our personal guard dogs.  Chained into our back yards, usually right out of their mother's wombs, and who die wearing the same collar using the furthest open notch that should have last been used when they were 6 months old.  Or, because they couldn't get water or food, practicallly ripped the chain right through their necks, or chewed through the legs they were shackled with.  Looking at some of their exposed rib cages, it's a wonder they had the strength to do it at all.  And people wonder about the campaign against stupid people breeding.  No argument here.

Probably one of my favorites, where dogs, supposedly man's bestest bosom buddy is concerned, there's nothing that makes me more ill than to see policemen videos where they're abusing or beating their dogs.  With every whack of the baton, I'd love to pump the blood right out of that man's pumping heart in return.  Note to your local police force:  If the man has a propensity to violence, complaints of harrassment, etc, he probably shouldn't be handling an animal for the force.

And getting back to wild and untamed critters, let's just jump right on over to poaching animals for money.  I'd have to say the ones that shred my soul the most are taking down an entire elephant or rhino...just for it's horn or it's ivory tusk.  Wow.  Unbelievable.  Are we really selling that many pianos?  Ok, granted, nature will take these species naturally anyway someday....but I don't think she ever asked for our help.  It's ok though.  Our time here is most certain almost done, it's gotta be.  I'm next door to praying for it.  Mother nature's rearing her head, and we're rushing to our extinction with our eyes and arms open, and ripe for the taking.  Keep caging those wolves for ratings on Animal Planet.  Hey as long as the ratings are high, why not depict abusing animals using the magic of CG?  It's not like we're really hurting any, right?  Yeah, but doesn't this teach animal abuse ANYWAY???  Come on, America, come on world!!  Mother Earth's already upset.  Slow it up, before our extinction gets moved up a couple millenia.  Maybe we talk to the people who make the "See and Say" and let's get them to change the normal noises of the animals they teach you the sounds of, and get them to change it to those of squealing pigs on their way to slaughter and dogs that whine and whimper as they get their daily beatings.  Maybe then we'd truly learn what sound the cow normally makes, when we drunkenly and stupidly tip them over.