ADULT CONTENT WARNING!! THIS ARTICLE CONTAINS A LOT ABOUT BULLSHIT, SO MAY BE OFFENSIVE TO THE AVERAGE READER!! IF YOU'RE NOT INTO HEARING ABOUT THE BULLSHIT, THEN MAYBE YOU SHOULDN'T READ THIS!!
It just has to be another Carlin Dedication Day today America. I find myself missing the guy's Pearls of Wisdom.
OK OK, comin' up with something to beat the band we had playin' a couple of days ago? Probably isn't gonna be an easy task. Oh, but it seems like I never have a problem with it, right? There's always more than enough going on around here, and by God, if I can't find something, well, something just comes right along and plunks itself right down in my lap and wiggles around, like a lap dancer, impossible to ignore, no matter how hard I try.
Today's lap dancer? Well, to be honest (all BS aside), it's gonna be about BS. But then, you guys know, as well as I know myself, that BS isn't the only problem here, and to talk about one side of this problem by itself, is a lot like just eating the whip cream off of the top of the pie, then, on another day, scooping out the filling, then later, when you get hungry again, eating the flaky crust. Kinda stupid. I think we'll devour the whole pie at once, and call it a day.
But let's just go with the BS for now. Now, you all know my true, utter feelings on BS, this should be quite apparent by now. I just don't deal with it. It sucks, I hate it, despise it, abhor it, disagree with it, would rather burn it than invite it over for tea and crumpets, and I'd love to see it boiled in oil and hung upside down on the highest yard-arm, to be quite frank. There's only one...small....problem.
America was founded on BS. The first recorded BS, in our history, was when a small group of Patriots gathered together in a room, and hammered out today's Constitution, which, in it's preamble, states, in no uncertain terms that "All men are created equal." Then they went home and ordered their slaves to bring them dinner. Not a good start, in my opinion.
Oh, but it didn't stop there, not by any means...
No, the BS continued on. In made its way into our Bill of Rights (please, if you would, read my posts on The Law Itself, if you don't believe me), and rooted itself into our Government. Then, inevitably, well, we just adopted BS as our national religion.
Now, it's everywhere. We're taught to BS people as early as five or six years old. Talk to a four or barely five year old lately? No? Try it. One thing I love about kids this age, is that they always TELL THE TRUTH. No matter how socially incorrect it might be, no matter how much it hurts, or damages your ego or destroys your confidence...no matter WHAT, they tell the truth. And what's the first thing the parent does then? Pulls them off by their arms, as you hear them scolding..."Timmy!! You don't tell your Uncle he's an idiot!! It's not nice!" Immediately, you're teaching your kids to BS others!! You're going against your natural instinct to just say it like it is! You're immediately placed on a path of fiery coals, of fragile eggshells, and taught to dance over it by having to stop...think...analyze, then, when you get it right in your head (some five or six minutes later, in which time, you've more than likely forgotten what you really wanted to say originally), spit out a pack of lies, in order to spare the feelings of others. I only wish we could just stop at five...and stay there. A world full of five yr. olds...heaven. I'm not crazy about the North Eastern states, kids, but I gotta say...a country full of New York Cities wouldn't, in my opinion, be all that bad. Now THOSE people stopped caring about things they'd say AGES ago. I do have a special affinity with the population of New York City. And where do you think that Mr. George Carlin was from? You guessed it.
Oh, but to make things worse, it doesn't stop THERE EVEN!!
No, it starts from the moment we wake up too, each and every morning. We start BS'ing ourselves when we get up and look in the mirror. What, YOU don't, you say? BS!! Tell me you don't put your clothes on, shave your face, brush your teeth, and grin insipidly, all the while thinking to yourself "Damn I look good!!" BS, straight and simple. Half the time, you don't, and you know it, but lying to yourself (some people call that having a positive self-image) is dangerous at times, as well as feeding yourself full of destructive BS.
Oh, but you KNOW it doesn't stop there!!
No, then, if BS'ing ourselves wasn't nearly enough, now we feel the need to go out into the world...and BS them too!! You know what I mean...you start with the wife and the kids "Oh, honey....you look great this morning! (she's in her nightgown with a robe pulled over it, hair in curlers)... Johnny...I want you to know I really like that shirt (that one you can't STAND and hope he grows out of soon). Then it's off to work. On the way, you stop to complement the neighbor's dog (the one that barks interminably all night long and that you can't wait to "accidentally" run over the next time the opportunity presents itself) on how fine his coat looks today...then you arrive at work, and the whole thing starts all over again. It then manages to stretch itself over the entire day, the rest of the week, and the months to come.
Here's my favorite though. Women have come up with something you can't BS them on, and they use it whenever they can. "Honey, do I look fat in this dress?" I neither blink, or I cough, sputter, nor do I delay, not even a little. If she does? "Hell yeah, you look fat. Change into that black one, I like that one."
But does it cease here? Ohhhhh......noooooooo
When we finally get past that awful truthful part of our lives, and we've passed our 7th birthdays, we're now taught, offiicial and experienced BS'ers. BS continues, then, into bars, family functions, funerals, weddings, employment interviews, travel, friendships, religion/the church, the sales and auto industries, careers, corporations, advertising, etc. I'm surprised every citizen in this country isn't bald, as well as tripping over their noses for miles!!
But are we done yet? HELL NO!!
No, the BS has not only rooted itself here, it's become commonplace. In politicians, politics, and in our Government. This is the great teacher of BS. The source, and the inventor of all BS in our country. We live it, we breath it, we digest it, and we poop it out. BS is now in our diets, we expect it, and we've come to terms with it.
But some of us are finally getting tired of it. I myself? Am on a personal mission to eliminate the BS. White Lies, complements we don't mean, stories embellished just to entertainment others, and dishonest behavior, oh....and soft language. This would have to be my biggest #1 hatred, America. BS in the workforce, and on the street has gotten to currently ridiculous levels, all because we've gotten way too sensitive, and just are in dire need of new things to complain about.
I'm sorry, but if you were a cripple in 1960, chances are you're a cripple today too. You're not disabled, nor are you differently-abled, by God, you are in the same spot you were in 1960. Not able to walk. Crippled. If you're married, you're married. You would be married today, just like you would have been if you lived in 1690, or in 1210. You'd be married, and there'd not be a damn thing you could say to change my mind about it. You're not COUPLED, nor, when you get DIVORCED, are you, in my book, ever going to be UNCOUPLED. If you can't see, you're not gonna be un-sighted, nor are you going to be without sight, or partially sighted. You're just gonna be blind, and I don't care how used to the new stuff you are, I sure don't care about your feelings, nor am I going to apologize for what I said once I think about it...because I'm not...gonna think about it. If you look fat, fatter than I remember, I don't care if you're my best friend, I'm going to tell you. And I hate to say it, but a lot of people really like me for it. So I don't think I'll be changing that about myself anytime soon. As a matter of fact, I changed...from being a BS'er to being the way I am now, why would I go through more trouble to learn by going backwards? Hell no.
No, the BULLSHIT STOPS RIGHT HERE FOLKS.
No more will I ever use the acronym BS. We've been swearing long enough, if I wanna make a point, and SHIT has to enter into it, in order to make my point, I'm gonna just come out and say it. It's been around a long time now, and the sensors have been slowly allowing more and more in our movies, but even though it's perfectly OK in theatres, and on TV as well, it's NOT OK in the streets, at your grandmother's house, or at the funeral for your sister. Nor is it OK, where you live OR where you work. FOR REALLIES??
And someday, when I've used those words enough, and taught others to quit BULLSHITTING each other, then maybe Google will give in and allow it. Today, I might just get enough complaints to make me throw in a disclaimer, pre-warning you of the danger you might face when you read it. I did that on my own, by the way. God knows I wouldn't wanna offend you, as you go to the R movie, talk about my sinfully profane article, as you watch Julie Andrews spout profanity over and over in "S.O.B.", just a mere 16 years after she cleanly and beautifully sang to her children in the "Sound of Music".
Here's the danger in softening up everything folks. Insults, truths...whatever you want to call them, coming right out and saying what we meant to say (and meaning what we say, as well) is what helps us get our ya-ya's out. If you take away our stress balls, by taking away our balls, well, we're gonna store it up. And what happens when you store things up? You blow up. Funny, seems like there's been an awful lot of that of late (see Columbine, Postal workers and Mr. Elliot). Give folks no mental outlets, and you have more mental people. You think maybe THIS is the reason for an increased amount of diagnosed mental illness in this country, and why it's at an all-time high?...hmmmmCOULDBE~~!!
If I have anything to say about it, all soft language, lies, bull, phoniness... is going in the garbage, immediately, a.s.a.p., AS SOON AS I take office. If it kills me, we're gonna tell that guy how crappy his dog is for barking all night, and, if you don't do something about him...well, I may just have to kick his little teeth in. Then maybe, tomorrow, when the thought crosses your mind to pick up a gun and shoot up a high school because they've been mean to you, you might just have second thoughts and put the gun down again. It's all about stress release folks. If you don't release it on the little things, it'll build up to one of those big things we hate so much.
And if you want to find out just how ridiculous we've become, or if you're not convinced about the level of ridiculousness we've achieved in this, our new century; then Google Carlin, watch him on YouTube, and get a clue.
But let's just go with the BS for now. Now, you all know my true, utter feelings on BS, this should be quite apparent by now. I just don't deal with it. It sucks, I hate it, despise it, abhor it, disagree with it, would rather burn it than invite it over for tea and crumpets, and I'd love to see it boiled in oil and hung upside down on the highest yard-arm, to be quite frank. There's only one...small....problem.
America was founded on BS. The first recorded BS, in our history, was when a small group of Patriots gathered together in a room, and hammered out today's Constitution, which, in it's preamble, states, in no uncertain terms that "All men are created equal." Then they went home and ordered their slaves to bring them dinner. Not a good start, in my opinion.
Oh, but it didn't stop there, not by any means...
No, the BS continued on. In made its way into our Bill of Rights (please, if you would, read my posts on The Law Itself, if you don't believe me), and rooted itself into our Government. Then, inevitably, well, we just adopted BS as our national religion.
Now, it's everywhere. We're taught to BS people as early as five or six years old. Talk to a four or barely five year old lately? No? Try it. One thing I love about kids this age, is that they always TELL THE TRUTH. No matter how socially incorrect it might be, no matter how much it hurts, or damages your ego or destroys your confidence...no matter WHAT, they tell the truth. And what's the first thing the parent does then? Pulls them off by their arms, as you hear them scolding..."Timmy!! You don't tell your Uncle he's an idiot!! It's not nice!" Immediately, you're teaching your kids to BS others!! You're going against your natural instinct to just say it like it is! You're immediately placed on a path of fiery coals, of fragile eggshells, and taught to dance over it by having to stop...think...analyze, then, when you get it right in your head (some five or six minutes later, in which time, you've more than likely forgotten what you really wanted to say originally), spit out a pack of lies, in order to spare the feelings of others. I only wish we could just stop at five...and stay there. A world full of five yr. olds...heaven. I'm not crazy about the North Eastern states, kids, but I gotta say...a country full of New York Cities wouldn't, in my opinion, be all that bad. Now THOSE people stopped caring about things they'd say AGES ago. I do have a special affinity with the population of New York City. And where do you think that Mr. George Carlin was from? You guessed it.
Oh, but to make things worse, it doesn't stop THERE EVEN!!
No, it starts from the moment we wake up too, each and every morning. We start BS'ing ourselves when we get up and look in the mirror. What, YOU don't, you say? BS!! Tell me you don't put your clothes on, shave your face, brush your teeth, and grin insipidly, all the while thinking to yourself "Damn I look good!!" BS, straight and simple. Half the time, you don't, and you know it, but lying to yourself (some people call that having a positive self-image) is dangerous at times, as well as feeding yourself full of destructive BS.
Oh, but you KNOW it doesn't stop there!!
No, then, if BS'ing ourselves wasn't nearly enough, now we feel the need to go out into the world...and BS them too!! You know what I mean...you start with the wife and the kids "Oh, honey....you look great this morning! (she's in her nightgown with a robe pulled over it, hair in curlers)... Johnny...I want you to know I really like that shirt (that one you can't STAND and hope he grows out of soon). Then it's off to work. On the way, you stop to complement the neighbor's dog (the one that barks interminably all night long and that you can't wait to "accidentally" run over the next time the opportunity presents itself) on how fine his coat looks today...then you arrive at work, and the whole thing starts all over again. It then manages to stretch itself over the entire day, the rest of the week, and the months to come.
Here's my favorite though. Women have come up with something you can't BS them on, and they use it whenever they can. "Honey, do I look fat in this dress?" I neither blink, or I cough, sputter, nor do I delay, not even a little. If she does? "Hell yeah, you look fat. Change into that black one, I like that one."
But does it cease here? Ohhhhh......noooooooo
When we finally get past that awful truthful part of our lives, and we've passed our 7th birthdays, we're now taught, offiicial and experienced BS'ers. BS continues, then, into bars, family functions, funerals, weddings, employment interviews, travel, friendships, religion/the church, the sales and auto industries, careers, corporations, advertising, etc. I'm surprised every citizen in this country isn't bald, as well as tripping over their noses for miles!!
But are we done yet? HELL NO!!
No, the BS has not only rooted itself here, it's become commonplace. In politicians, politics, and in our Government. This is the great teacher of BS. The source, and the inventor of all BS in our country. We live it, we breath it, we digest it, and we poop it out. BS is now in our diets, we expect it, and we've come to terms with it.
But some of us are finally getting tired of it. I myself? Am on a personal mission to eliminate the BS. White Lies, complements we don't mean, stories embellished just to entertainment others, and dishonest behavior, oh....and soft language. This would have to be my biggest #1 hatred, America. BS in the workforce, and on the street has gotten to currently ridiculous levels, all because we've gotten way too sensitive, and just are in dire need of new things to complain about.
I'm sorry, but if you were a cripple in 1960, chances are you're a cripple today too. You're not disabled, nor are you differently-abled, by God, you are in the same spot you were in 1960. Not able to walk. Crippled. If you're married, you're married. You would be married today, just like you would have been if you lived in 1690, or in 1210. You'd be married, and there'd not be a damn thing you could say to change my mind about it. You're not COUPLED, nor, when you get DIVORCED, are you, in my book, ever going to be UNCOUPLED. If you can't see, you're not gonna be un-sighted, nor are you going to be without sight, or partially sighted. You're just gonna be blind, and I don't care how used to the new stuff you are, I sure don't care about your feelings, nor am I going to apologize for what I said once I think about it...because I'm not...gonna think about it. If you look fat, fatter than I remember, I don't care if you're my best friend, I'm going to tell you. And I hate to say it, but a lot of people really like me for it. So I don't think I'll be changing that about myself anytime soon. As a matter of fact, I changed...from being a BS'er to being the way I am now, why would I go through more trouble to learn by going backwards? Hell no.
No, the BULLSHIT STOPS RIGHT HERE FOLKS.
No more will I ever use the acronym BS. We've been swearing long enough, if I wanna make a point, and SHIT has to enter into it, in order to make my point, I'm gonna just come out and say it. It's been around a long time now, and the sensors have been slowly allowing more and more in our movies, but even though it's perfectly OK in theatres, and on TV as well, it's NOT OK in the streets, at your grandmother's house, or at the funeral for your sister. Nor is it OK, where you live OR where you work. FOR REALLIES??
And someday, when I've used those words enough, and taught others to quit BULLSHITTING each other, then maybe Google will give in and allow it. Today, I might just get enough complaints to make me throw in a disclaimer, pre-warning you of the danger you might face when you read it. I did that on my own, by the way. God knows I wouldn't wanna offend you, as you go to the R movie, talk about my sinfully profane article, as you watch Julie Andrews spout profanity over and over in "S.O.B.", just a mere 16 years after she cleanly and beautifully sang to her children in the "Sound of Music".
Here's the danger in softening up everything folks. Insults, truths...whatever you want to call them, coming right out and saying what we meant to say (and meaning what we say, as well) is what helps us get our ya-ya's out. If you take away our stress balls, by taking away our balls, well, we're gonna store it up. And what happens when you store things up? You blow up. Funny, seems like there's been an awful lot of that of late (see Columbine, Postal workers and Mr. Elliot). Give folks no mental outlets, and you have more mental people. You think maybe THIS is the reason for an increased amount of diagnosed mental illness in this country, and why it's at an all-time high?...hmmmmCOULDBE~~!!
If I have anything to say about it, all soft language, lies, bull, phoniness... is going in the garbage, immediately, a.s.a.p., AS SOON AS I take office. If it kills me, we're gonna tell that guy how crappy his dog is for barking all night, and, if you don't do something about him...well, I may just have to kick his little teeth in. Then maybe, tomorrow, when the thought crosses your mind to pick up a gun and shoot up a high school because they've been mean to you, you might just have second thoughts and put the gun down again. It's all about stress release folks. If you don't release it on the little things, it'll build up to one of those big things we hate so much.
And if you want to find out just how ridiculous we've become, or if you're not convinced about the level of ridiculousness we've achieved in this, our new century; then Google Carlin, watch him on YouTube, and get a clue.
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